Emancipation.

I look back on times that I wanted to sit in the corner of my room, surrounded by shining pieces of glass, teasing myself with the sharp edges, under a light, screaming nothing into the fading darkness around the haze; The times I wanted to tear apart the skin of my thighs and arms and bleed hoping everything would flow out and clot into little scabs, that I can just peel away one day.

Today, we are older than the last time. Today, we can look at the scars that have been left behind by our past. Gallant as ever, through every rain, the reason why I always carry my jacket; you, your umbrella. As the sun rose and dipped into the horizon like a cookie in milk everyday, everything took on a new shape. Like the pieces of a book that could no longer hold on, softened by the constant beating of apathy, we grew apart. But yet today, I feel that we came closer. The older I grew, I climbed up the ladder. The older you grew, you climbed down towards me.

Now, you're in the way. You have been many times before and I have just sat in the illusions of my light, silently pushing the virus to another part of my body, delaying the wounds, the blood and the scab. Today, I know I will never see the scabs because I will never bleed. The needle was poked around into my vein, the nurse tipped the syringe here and there. She twisted it around from side to side like she was trying to wear an earring after years of nothing. Still, no blood.

In the dominion of my life, there are many craters, empty, rotting, green with fungus. Like a vial of life had been drawn out every now and then. I think back to some years that just went by in silent agony. Of years that I will never get back. Today, you say you don't love me or respect me any more. Today, you say your life isn't here but down in the emptiness of the darkness that led you to me. I watch earnestly into the speck of light as my lost soul disappears into the bundles of baggage you took with you.

Musings of a cynic

This one's for you and me.

Everyday begins with the rain now. The sun hidden underneath the big blanket of vapour, the raindrops still fresh on the leaves. Then there's you. Deceitful and narcissistic. It's amusing what a show you put on and how it always catches my eye. There's this moment of truth when you pass by really close to me to show me what I'm missing, with the whiff of that cigaretty-mint odor of dishonesty and revenge and strangely, love at the same time. The smell runs deep down my lungs, alerting my senses and releasing that rush of adrenaline and my heart skips a beat, my whole body becomes cold. Amazing how you still do that to me. There's beauty in your eyes. I see it. I see through your soul, a fire of a thousand suns that burns out the love and affection. But you created the monster residing within me, slowly unleashing the enormity. You with your facade of joy and the dark shadow that drains down the whimsicality, provoke the zeno(light) of my soul to consume all that evil they've pushed down your throat. There's me. Tripolar and dark, with thoughts spinning like a tornado to answer your riddles. But what we share baby, No one can ever have, no one can ever know.